But know this. Men are not from Mars. Women are not from Venus. Do not fall for categories. Everyone is everything. Every ingredient inside a star is inside you, and every personality that ever existed competes in the theatre of your mind for the main role. – Matt Haig

What is a man? 

I have a bigger question to ask!

Why do we need to find an answer to this question?

Do we struggle on defining a peacock? Feathers, a beak, two legs, and a body. When was the last time you blamed a peacock for not being a peacock because it did not behave like other peacocks? If a peacock chose to be with a number of peahens does it becomes a peahen? If it shreds all its feathers and suddenly looks like a peahen will you go and taunt it as not being a peacock?

If you did not get my point let me tell you my story! Let’s start from the beginning. I have always been a mummy’s boy. Probably stood by her because I felt nobody else in the family did. Mom is an amazing independent woman but loses the will to fight it out every day at home. Manages home, manages the office, and yet has been blamed on numerous occasions for not caring about her home. But on infinite occasions, she has stood by her home like a rock, stood by us, stood by herself. I have not been inspired by any male members in my family in my life as much as I have been inspired by her. Even in her worst days, she cooks for us, cries in her own space, and takes all the blame on herself just so that there is peace at home. She is valued at her workspace and has survived three fatal accidents. 

I have an amazing sister as well, she is cool, cooler than all our cousins combined. She is a non-judgemental soul, is an amazing person in all respect. I have seen aunts in my family stronger than most men I know of, some of them have survived alone for most of their lives. I have grown up to respect them, to be like them and I have never felt wrong in doing that. Yes, I have had amazing male members in my family as well, they do a lot never complain but they are nowhere near strong emotionally as their counterpart. 

If you tell me my inspiration is wrong, then you have not met my family, do not know my life. To me, the daunting tasks that dad takes up in the household are equally or maybe less daunting than what mom does. I have grown to love them, respect them, and feel close to them. Am I less of a man to feel that way? Well, who are you to judge me for that?

Truly what I have never understood is what twisted satisfaction men get by claiming others not being one? Why does it matter if I am not good at sports if I am not an athlete if I like books more if I have a lot of girls just as friends? Or If I am fat? Or I am not and don’t want to be a f***boy? What among these qualities is so unnatural? Are we in a stone age that I have to be strong to hunt animals? Do I need six-pack abs to go to my office every day and watch TV shows at the end of the night? Probably the worst things men can do to each other is to expect them to be like them. I do not expect everyone to fall in love with TV shows the way I do, I hope people do but I do not name call them if they do not. That’s me I am ok to be who I am, are you not? I have read about how toxic masculinity as a culture has ruined mankind but the crazy thing is I do not know this as a culture but a few people in my life whose name I still remember.

For the whole of my school life, I and my best friend cared for our grades, studied hard didn’t care about literally anything else. There was bullying, name-calling, shaming for not liking sports even when we were literally invisible in the classroom. The same people came to us before the exams to study with us. The same people post that nobody cares about men on Men’s day. If you are that someone from my school, you are the reason nobody cares about men because time and again you have made people dislike you for not being like you. You are the reason nobody cares about you!

I clearly remember an incident from college where one of our seniors took us out to the field and told us to shout abusive words as loud as possible because that’s what men do. If men themselves think abusing is cool, bullying is cool, not caring about other people’s feelings is cool then guess what is there in life for you! Because a day worth of attention is all you are going to get!

Let’s not confuse ourselves by blaming age-old customs, traditions, and pressures men to be financially sound, etc, and all that bullshit with being nice to people. Being nice to people doesn’t require that much effort and nothing in this entire world can stop you from being that if you want to be.

I am not a sports person, I am not a well-built athlete, I am not a beer-drinking shit saying guy, nor do I believe abusing is ok, probably that is the reason I have good people in my life and I do not crave for a day to come to get respect from other people. Most men that I know in my life who are respected professionally and personally are those who equally respect other people. Being nice to people is a choice and bringing out the toxic masculinity in you is a choice as well!

If you can’t respect other people’s choices in life then do not cry to get the same for yours. 

Kudos to men who have survived abuse, identify themselves from the LGBTQ community to fathers and lovers who show affection openly, to genuinely good men who respect other people as people; if you have survived this long from the toxic men world my heart goes out to you all – Happy Men’s Day.